Leaving New Zealand

Kiwi’s just can’t get enough of New Zealand. They love it. So long as they don’t have to live there.

Our favorite destination to leave to, and never return, is Australia. This suits us well, because kiwis don’t like to stand out (see article ‘The Colour Black‘), and Australia is basically the same as New Zealand, only warmer, bigger and richer.

In the year to November 2008, there were 48,500 permanent or long term departures to Australia (source, NZ Herald), against just 13,200 arrivals from Australia. Because Australia has 5 times the population of NZ, that means we’re losing 20 times as many people to them, as they are to us.

Holy shit! How lucky does that make New Zealand?! Just imagine all those dirty Australians arriving on our shores? Think of the expense we would incur erecting detention centres in which to house them all. Picture all their feral children in our schools, infecting our clean, green kiwi-kids with their nasal accent, and ‘blue-sky’ optimism.

Let us just hope and pray that this net migratory deficit doesn’t change any time soon, or we may all have to leave to live in Canada.