SubscribeYour Shit
I’m opening up the floor here. I may regret it.
Submit your shit in the comments below. Feel free to comment on other people’s shit. If it’s funny enough, I may even nick it for the main site.
But not if its, well… shit.
Kiwianarama
The alternative Kiwipedia…
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I think there definitely needs to be an article dedicated to the humble kiwi man shorts, more commonly known as stubbies.
Just a suggestion.
Why are ‘mixer taps’ considered bourgeois? Really, I want to wash-up out of one tap with warm water, not a sink with two separate taps, one with ice water, and one that will scald the skin off of my face. In the US, ‘mixer taps’ were introduced during Victorian times, and I don’t think even Kiwis can hold on to useless tradition that long. I friend of mine in Napier once asked a plumber to install a ‘mixer tap’, and he responded with a sense of disgust, saying “don’t you think that’s a little flash?”.
Wash with soap under the freezing tap until my skin is numb enough to withstand 5 seconds of scalding water to rinse it off. Clearly the sign of a highly advanced culture.
Yeah but New Zealanders haven’t discovered insulation yet either. So it’s reasonable to assume that mixer taps would simply be far to advanced for them as well.
Lets face it NZ is country permanently stuck in the 1970s, with only the occasional breakthrough into the 21st century. In some ways the country is stuck even further back in history than that.
But of course the scenery is nice.
nice report
I would LOVE to hear one of your amazing blogs on Student Flats… would make my day!!
Thanks for the idea. I think the problem (infestation might be a better word) of student flats is a global phenomenon.
Dunedin students, however, might be unique to New Zealand, god help us.
Woops that’s what I meant
Or even student culture in Dunedin. That could be good.
you fuckin fag
your a fag
I’ve searched this site and I can’t find an explanation for why there is so much marshmallow in everything. Please explain.
Oh and while you’re solving life’s mysteries, pray tell, is there ANYTHING the All Blacks won’t advertise?
I’m glad that you asked, Claire. As I write this, I am just tucking into a delicious roast chicken, stuffing, peas and marshmallow dinner. I don’t actually have an answer right now, but I will endeavor to find out the truth. I believe it has something to do with the powerful marshmallow cartels of the 1970s, which were operated out of the Auckland Easter Show by a very nasty and dangerous crime family, the McTibbins.
I find it hilarious that Kiwis just don’t understand how shit all Kiwiana is
And Kiwi music, thats a also a pile of shit. It should be compulsary for kiwis to live overseas, to actually get a grip on reality, rather than thinking NZ is the centre of the universe. why would you want to be known as a spastic bird that should go the way of the dodo, instead of a New Zealander.
There are some great things in NZ, just nothing to do with kiwis or the junk culture they are embracing.
Hmmm. But the Kiwi is such a good national emblem for New Zealand and represents the people in this country so well.
1. It is flightless, eg going nowhere.
2. It has a big nose (beak) that it uses to dig around in the dirt, just like the average New Zealander.
3. It is rare and is risking extinction
4. It needs to be looked after by the government in order to survive.
5. It sneaks around in the dark, eg it doesn’t like anyone to know what it is doing.
6. It lives in the middle of nowhere.
7. It has lousy eyesight and can’t see far ahead. eg it has no vision for the future.
Seems to me it represents the New Zealand people pretty well.
Very nice work Selwyn.
My suggestion is “Hearing ourselves mentioned in offshore television and/or film productions”. Rarely have I seen the kind of euphoric excitement on the faces of compatriots than when they are explaining the last time they heard New Zealand referenced in a big budget Hollywood film.
Thank you kindly Sir,
I feel like I may have touched on the topic, possibly in ‘Putting ourselves on the map’ – but it’s worth closer examination.
My all time favorite was when the air steward girlfriends on Perfect Strangers learned they would be flying to ‘Noo Zeeland’. I nearly wet myself. But then, I was only 8 years old.
Ah yes, very good.
There is noting quite like that shared glance (and accompanying huge grin) across the living room as and your flatmates all simultaneously think “holy shit, did they just say ‘New Zealand’ on CSI:New York?!”
I would like some comments on New Zealand music month.
You my friend are a funny, funny, man.
Thanks for the laughs!
Mr Nogood, this is quite possibly the best and funniest website on the internet, although I haven’t looked at all other websites on the internet so I can’t say for sure. So far it has delayed my current deadline at work by two days (and counting – I haven’t got through all the articles yet). Lucky I work for the (Australian) government, where deadlines don’t matter anyway.
So, how about an article on Hamilton – aka “City of Nothing”, aka “South Auckland”, aka “Mexico”? Since there’s nothing there and nothing ever happens there, this could be your greatest challenge: use your witty banter to raise this city from the ashes of its own non-existence – or obliterate it altogether; your choice.
Why thank you sir. I am highly susceptible to compliment.
Hamilton. What a topic. Where does one start? Begin with the industrial wastelands surrounding it, then gradually, and painfully, work your way in, I suppose.
Apparently, when Hamilton made the newspapers because the South African rugby team, deciding it was too boring, refused to train there, Palmerston North became upset. They felt the title to New Zealand’s (and perhaps the world’s) dullest city, as awarded by John Cleese, belonged rightfully to them.
Sad.
I always thought Hamilton was “HamilTRON:City of the Future” or did they fail to legally rename it?
This site is hilarious. It pretty much covers off every thought I have ever had about this fabulous country and it’s ‘quirks’. One addition I have though is the incessant need to call every NZ sports team something, why can’t it just be the New Zealand Cricket team (Black Caps)? That’s possibly ok but what about ice hockey (Ice Blacks really?! Come on!!.
Rant over.
Thanks for the comments and the suggestions, Charlotte.
Actually, you raise a very good point. Worth working into something.
Perhaps it’s something to do with identifying ourselves so closely with the colour black. But I agree with you that it often borders on the ridiculous, even school-yard, ie;
The badminton team = ‘The Black Cocks”
basket ball team = ‘the black balls” (maybe it was the lawn bowling team, or perhaps i just imagined it..)
As suggested.. thanks for the idea. S
http://www.kiwianarama.co.nz/sporting-black-humour/
Hey, Good Night Kiwi has a lot to share. I was the original work from home guy. It’s been a rocky road at times but I’m back.
Follow me @goodnitekiwi on Twitter.
I could do with a hook up selwyn. That would be sweet, aye. Choice.